Hair Cut Disaster Day
Friday, February 17th, 2006
Paying for Haircuts. Mistake #1. Paying for someone to cut your hair is just setting you up to be let down. I don’t think I’ve ever loved my hair after leaving the hair cut place. I’d rather save my 10 dollars and buy 5 tshirts at goodwill…or 1000 pony rides at Meijers [yes, they’re only a penny.]
“I normally wear a hat.” Mistake #2. I don’t know why I feel compelled to tell Joe Haircut that I normally wear a hat. That’s like telling them ‘I don’t care if you screw my hair up, I’ll cover it up anyway.’ You don’t tell an artist that you are going to put his painting under a tarp…you don’t tell a designer that their clothes are just going to hang in your closet…why do I feel compelled to tell my barber that I wear a hat?
Indecision. Mistake #3. Yes, I’m indecisive. I don’t like making decisions, which usually ends up biting me in the butt. “I like it long, but I usually go short and choppy,” I said. “Do you want it off your ears,” said Mr. Barber. “I don’t know, I don’t really care,” I said. Indecision. Why did I screw myself over so bad?
Village Barber. Mistake #4. I’m not cutting down Winona’s Village Barber. I have long said that he runs a class act business. But when it comes to longer guys hair, the kind that I have, he is just subpar. You want military cut? He’s your man. You want buzzed short? He’s the go-to-guy. You want a beard trim? He’ll do a hell-uv-a job. But long, messy, or shaggy? Find a girl-stylist…or at least a gay guy.
Lies and deciet. Mistake #5. “How’s it look?” “That’ll play.” I actually said “that’ll play.” When have I ever said that? Ever? First, I was lying to the village barber. I mean, not that it’s a big deal, really. We don’t have anything close to a friendship, goodness, I call him Mr. Barber. What’s wrong is that I lie to myself. “Self. You’re hair looks good enough to not have him do anything.” I look like I’m in bloody 6th grade.
Picture Explination. While looking for ‘middle school’ on google image search, this picture came up. Not only does this explain my thoughts on my hair looking straight out of Weisenborn Middle School, place of my youth, but this picture is bloody hillarious! I mean, look at the kid in the top left. That guy is in 6th grade. His beard gives Ulysses S. Grant a run for the money. Look at it! It’s amazing!
It’s the best I can do in 10 minutes with Photoshop 6 in Nerdlab…
